I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
