Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
