Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
