if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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