I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
