I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
