Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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