My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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