Your face is a jimmy john
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
