HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
