I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
