I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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