Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
