Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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