they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
