You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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