You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
