Ambien. No doubt about it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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