i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
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Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize