dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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