If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
