i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
