I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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