If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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