They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
