grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
