if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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