Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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