in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
