I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
