I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
