He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
