Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
