Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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