i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
