When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize