I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
