I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Your penis caused this!
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