I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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