whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
