I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
