he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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