I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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