my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
