i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
All I want is dick and wine.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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