and she was petting her beer can
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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