I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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