Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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