I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The adults are the big ones right?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
