you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He passed out mid-signature
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
