I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
