yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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