yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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