apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
