I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
