i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
