She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
