Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
