Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
