i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
