had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
