Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
